I don't believe in resolutions, but...

But I believe in planning and hoping for a good year to come. I don't really have anything that I should change. After all, I feel that I am always intrepid and open-minded enough to try anything.

So for 2008, I don't have any solid plans, but I am looking forward to opportunities. With what I know now, my vision of my future is still shrouded with mystery. There's still so much that I shoot to the moon, still so many pebbles that I throw into the pond, wondering if they can bounce off, or drown in azure demise.

Still, I am stubbornly optimistic. I'll be taking graduate-level courses next semester, as well as biochemistry. I was initially planning on focusing on the genetics of cancer during my masters, but there is no available lab that concentrates on that specific area. So, I'm now leaning towards the molecular basis of cancer, specifically cell-cell adhesion, which I think is involved in the metastasis of cancer cells.

I am also planning to join NIH's summer research internship program, and I hope to be involved with a lab that is doing molecular study of cancer. The program is 4 weeks long.

My summer is actually from mid-May to late August, so I think I will have enough time left over to go back home, perhaps for three weeks, but we'll have to see what happens. Maybe my work or some other academic endeavour shall hinder me from doing so.

I am so not sure if I'll be able to go into med school by next school year. And somehow, I'm ready to be told that I'm not accepted. I have somehow decided that doing a masters is the best way to establish myself here in the US. I know that my road to becoming a biomedical scientist is a long way to go, but I know with enough hard work, I can make it happen.

Crap, talking about my career is becoming so cliche...

My Cover of "Brightest" by Copeland

After encountering much technical difficulty while recording it with Multiply's audio reply, I finally decided to use GarageBand and attach it as a file here.

The song is also available for download in my music section:
click here: LINK!
or copy and paste this URL in your browser: http://young0invincible.multiply.com/music/item/44/Brightest_-_Copeland_Cover

I would appreciate your comments and suggestions.

OK! Updates!

Now I've finally come around to posting another blog entry (after a hiatus involving mostly my academics, some self-deprivation of thought, and a dichotomous mind).
But anyway, here are some updates!

I celebrated my Christmas at my Uncle's niece. She married an Ecuadorean and their family is really nice. I am now a fan of Ecuadorean cuisine. We had roast beef, leg of lamb, honeybaked ham, roast chicken, salad, jasmine rice, and a variety of other things. I also had 4 shots of Mojitos and 2 glasses of Red Sparkling Wine!

Oh yeah, it's my semestral break now, and I have no classes until January 22. I got my grades, and I'm fairly proud, but... I expected to get a perfect GPA, but what I have comes close!

I also had my evaluation at work. They said that I met their expectations as a teacher, but I have to work on discipling my kids. My boss says they're here to do work and study, and they actually pay $30-50 an hour to be taught by me. (Only a fraction of that is my salary, so go figure).

So yeah, those are my updates for now. Next time I shall write something more convoluted and abstract... I'm not used to treating my blog like a diary!

Like, OMFG I saw my crush today! Like, I don't give a rat's ass! B*tch.

No, You Don't Know Me.

As much as I appreciate the fact that random people whom I don't know are able to read my blog, I get weirded out if total strangers (sociopaths?) go on and message me telling that they totally understand my perspective on life, and how I treat people.
This actually happened last night. I was really not in the mood to socialize in cyberspace, yet here comes this girl from my hometown. She messages me a "hi" and asks me to join her group. I reply, asking if I know her. She then responds, "No. Well, at least not yet;" and asks me "What's keeping you?" - the context and implication of which I still don't understand.
I then respond with "2nd question: Do you know me? Please tell me who you are. After all, we're only strangers until we introduce each other." Then she replies: "No, I don't know you. But I think you're an interesting persona so far. I like how you look at life... and people. Maybe it's because we're both artists."
This second reply surprises. I check my blog, to see if she's in the viewing history. Contrapositively, she hasn't read my blog at all. Or if she did, she must have read select entries, and not the recent ones or the blog in its entirety, or she viewed them in secret. (The contrapositive being "She hasn't read my blog, so she doesn't know me." - the original thesis was "She knows me so she has read my blog.") But I do notice that she has read my profile on Multiply.
So I throw a third question: "So what do you want from me?" Believe me, I was clueless. To this, she responded, "Friendship? Do you ask that question to every person who visits your site and messages you?"
Now, this is where it went all wrong for me. She hasn't even introduced herself (thus she failed to answer my request found in paragraph 2 of this entry) and now she wants to be friends? She doesn't even know me, nor do I know who she is, and she wants to be friends? She hasn't even read my blog, only my profile, and now she wants to be friends? My train of thought visualizes friendship, the sanctity of it, being harassed by a drunkard.
In response to her question on whether I actually act like this to everyone who visits my site and messages me, I say, "Well, cyberspace is unfair. You don't get to see the face of the person mocking you." And then to her interest in friendship, I say, "Sorry, you don't seem to be my type. Arrivederci!"
Was I cruel? My friends usually say I'm very subtle.
But the next reply that I get from her, pisses me off, and makes me realize what an eccentric slut she really is. She said a very bitter "Not my loss."
Apparently, after so being coldly polite, my patience for the evening totally snapped. I wasn't in a good mood in the first place. I felt very irritable, very autistic, and very drunk (figuratively, okay? My friend said I was typically half-drunk anyway). And here was a spark of fire to totally burned down the cage of my anger.
"Well, pardon me for c*ckblocking. It's not my loss either," I said, ending the feud, blocking that eccentric slut from viewing or replying me on multiply.

No, people will never completely understand how I look at life or at people by only reading my profile, or even if they have the diligence to read and view everything that I have put up online (my 3 blogs, my deviantart, friendster, etc...). Don't expect me to befriend you, a stranger, just because you sociopathically obsess over my writings, or my art.
It is different, however, for someone who's already my friend to sociopathically obsess over my writings. I will thank you for that and perhaps give you an award. lol.

The best way to get a hold of me? Unlike what that eccentric slut did, you should:
1. Introduce yourself politely, and tell me how you found out about me.
2. Answer my questions. I am always apprehensive, but semi-permeable. Do not take it as an insult. I try to be, at the very least, coldly polite, but once I know I can trust you, I'll warm up pretty fast.
3. Don't tell me how much you know me or how much you know about my perspectives. Trust me, it's like Zen. Once you think you know everything about it, you actually don't know anything about it.

You're Too Strong

You're too strong, and I doubt that I can live long enough to be with you and care for you.

You're too strong, and I know that soon my days will be numbered and I do not want to shackle you forever to my side, to a spartan solid chair at the foot of my hospital bed.

You're too strong, and I feel I do not deserve you, for there are so many others who can be strong with you, and yet you give up your time, your love, your strength to someone who is nothing more than a black hole in today's society.

I lay, amidst the smell of antiseptic and sterile sheets in my bubble against the world and its killers.

With your breath against my neck, I am reminded of your warmth and presence. You are here to comfort me, yet I cannot put into words how frustrated I am, how angry I am, how confused and disturbed I am by your actions, by your decision, by your loyalty.

Still, you stay, you suffer with me, you cry for me, as if my tears weren't enough for my burdens. I am thankful, and at the same time, utterly confused.

"You are too strong," you said, and I was surprised by your declaration. In my final hour, amidst the spasms, the cold, and the numbness, you helped me fight, but then I finally said that there was no turning back. Those four words were a blessing, and as I am liberated of my woes, I finally comprehend the ways in which you loved me.

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Today is World A.I.D.S. Day. Please help in advocating awareness and vigilance.
Join the fight against A.I.D.S.!

Charles^^