Change
This journal is long overdue. I've been thinking about it for one week. Now is my chance to actually write it down. Let me make this my closure of sorts to the year when I came of age. I actually wrote a previous draft, but I discontinued since I felt that it was too introspective, too gruesome and too detailed. So, without further ado...
Less than two weeks ago I went to my high school teacher, and she noted how much I've changed. I was quite perplexed at her statements, and I concluded that maybe she really hasn't seen me for quite a while (compared to my highschool barkada, whom I last saw during the summer). She was very keen on everything, from my style of clothing to my build, and maybe somewhat, my attitude. She said I've become more muscular and she complimented me on what I was wearing. She also said I've become more mature. But what really nagged on my mind ever since then was how she repeatedly said that I've changed a lot.
Well, I can't blame her. If I had the chance to meet myself when I was in my senior year in highschool, my highschool self probably wouldn't believe that I'm the older version of himself.
Certainly there has been a lot of change in my life from that point - not only in hairstyle (I have it longer these days), clothing style (a preference towards dark colours and black), and physical changes, but most importantly, a change in outlook, philosophy, phenomenologies, personality, emotions, and habits.
Before I entered university I vowed to perform better in my academics. I practically wanted to be on top. But lo and behold, the only academic accomplishment I've had for the seven terms I've had in university so far are: 1. not failing anything, 2. being on the dean's list 4 out of 7 terms and 3. out of the times I've been on the dean's list, one time I was actually in the first honours roll. These aren't accomplishments that I can really brag about, compared to the status I had during highschool.
Nonetheless, after almost completing my stint in undergraduate studies, I have this notion that academics really isn't a big thing (although what's nagging behind my head every time is that though academics isn't everything, it consists a big chunk of everything). I've somehow resigned from being a genius (as if I ever was a genius in the first place, or maybe the correct term is "nerd") and I've learned to accept where my limitations can take me. I can finally treasure a line from desiderata which says there are always people who are better than you, and people that are worse than you.
Somehow
I've widened my outlook, and I've included the finer things in life, from extracurricular activities to the development of my [mostly non-academic] skills and talents, like playing the piano and photography. I've also realized that versatility is a very attractive trait.
I've also subscribed to a particular type of musicianship and artistry. My highschool self probably would have scowled in scrutiny if he had the chance to taste the artistry that I’m practicing and at the same time appreciating. I've almost completely deviated from the pop mainstream, and have found a thorny niche in alternativism and rockism. I've matured from the juvenile diary confessional-esque Vanessa Carlton-ish music to a poetic, thoroughly encrypted and artistic ensemble inspired by the likes of goddesses like Tori Amos and sonic Adonises such as Damien Rice.
To be continued...
*image credits: Change by gilad
HFO-we don't need no education by fahrmboy
Playing Piano by tigress90
Tori Amos Naples Live2 by pliskinlaiena
c/o DeviantArt
"There's only one thing that's constant in this universe: Change."
Well, I can't blame her. If I had the chance to meet myself when I was in my senior year in highschool, my highschool self probably wouldn't believe that I'm the older version of himself.
Certainly there has been a lot of change in my life from that point - not only in hairstyle (I have it longer these days), clothing style (a preference towards dark colours and black), and physical changes, but most importantly, a change in outlook, philosophy, phenomenologies, personality, emotions, and habits.Before I entered university I vowed to perform better in my academics. I practically wanted to be on top. But lo and behold, the only academic accomplishment I've had for the seven terms I've had in university so far are: 1. not failing anything, 2. being on the dean's list 4 out of 7 terms and 3. out of the times I've been on the dean's list, one time I was actually in the first honours roll. These aren't accomplishments that I can really brag about, compared to the status I had during highschool.
Nonetheless, after almost completing my stint in undergraduate studies, I have this notion that academics really isn't a big thing (although what's nagging behind my head every time is that though academics isn't everything, it consists a big chunk of everything). I've somehow resigned from being a genius (as if I ever was a genius in the first place, or maybe the correct term is "nerd") and I've learned to accept where my limitations can take me. I can finally treasure a line from desiderata which says there are always people who are better than you, and people that are worse than you.
Somehow
I've widened my outlook, and I've included the finer things in life, from extracurricular activities to the development of my [mostly non-academic] skills and talents, like playing the piano and photography. I've also realized that versatility is a very attractive trait.I've also subscribed to a particular type of musicianship and artistry. My highschool self probably would have scowled in scrutiny if he had the chance to taste the artistry that I’m practicing and at the same time appreciating. I've almost completely deviated from the pop mainstream, and have found a thorny niche in alternativism and rockism. I've matured from the juvenile diary confessional-esque Vanessa Carlton-ish music to a poetic, thoroughly encrypted and artistic ensemble inspired by the likes of goddesses like Tori Amos and sonic Adonises such as Damien Rice.To be continued...
*image credits: Change by gilad
HFO-we don't need no education by fahrmboy
Playing Piano by tigress90
Tori Amos Naples Live2 by pliskinlaiena
c/o DeviantArt
posted by young_invincible at
9/24/2006 02:05:00 AM
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